Monday, December 19, 2005

Newsflash: the ACLU doesn't hate Christians

I really don't know where they get such a bad reputation from. See, they don't hate Christians at all! It's amazing that people who support freedom of religion support the freedom of all religions, including Christianity! Who knew equality could be so equal!

I like the ACLU more and more...

Friday, December 16, 2005

Un-creative Update

I've been busy, but I'm hanging in there! Here's some news:

Done with papers
One 24 hour final to go (it's as bad as it sounds)
New hedgehog, Heddie, has arrived
Pictures at
Taking drastic measures to lose weight
Getting back in touch with people after avoiding them for 3-6 months... you may be next!
Deleted Microsoft Outlook accidentally today
A new blog will be going up...!

Love and hugs,

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Just Say "Merry Christmas?"

Wacko-Christians are ruining my Christmas. For once, I would love the media to focus on people of my religion who AREN'T racist asshats. I'd rather celebrate Kwanza than be associated with these people.

Ok. Somehow the 80% of the United State's population that identifies as Christian is being, uh, discriminated against. By whom, I don't know. Maybe the other 20% of people who obviously have an over-representation in private sector businesses and government. That's how it works here, you know. Minorities always rule.

So, as I said, they are being discriminated against by businesses and schools that are saying Happy Holidays rather than Merry Christmas. Obviously, if an organization or government agency doesn't exclusively name _your_ religion in all greeting cards, commercials, billboards and seasonal concerts/programs, it is BLASPHEMY. Just LOOK at all the Hindus, Muslims, Jews and Wiccians who have protested in the past! Marches on the capitals, big political demonstrations and campaigns, little rubber bracelets that say "Just Say Happy Hanukkah" and television programs; these people have certainly set the precedent for the new Christian uprising we're seeing this year.

It seems so plain to me that it is the GOVERNMENT'S job to keep the Christ in Christmas. It is The Gap's job to ensure this minority is allowed to totally dominate this season. Schools must educate our children to think only of their holiday, their beliefs when singing songs and learning in classes. This is the basis for our entire nation. These groups must protect this under-represented religious culture!

In all seriousness, I have no problem with people saying "Merry Christmas" to me as I pass them on the street. I'll probably say it back, or substitute any other holiday or religious message, whether I believe in it or not. I DO have a problem with the attitude that stores, governments and schools must endorse Christian Christmas or risk accusations that they have been swayed by a liberal conspiracy.

Think of how it would be to live in a country where religion was enforced by the government power structure. We already live in a place where Christianity dominates, but we as a nation pride ourselves on having enough room for all beliefs. Well, some of us pride ourselves on that. This Christian Conspiracy is ridiculous. I have NEVER heard of a government agency going into a church and taking down the nativity scene. I have NEVER seen people deface Christian decorations in, on, or around private residences. If we are trying to make the public sphere safe for ALL religions, for diverse backgrounds and ideas, we MUST ensure that Christ and Christmas are one of many religious displays, or are not displayed at all.

For goodness sake, the malls already have Santa, trees, Christmas music and Christmas themed merchandise. Do we really need a crucifix and the Virgin Mary as well? When is the last time a Christian had trouble finding religion-appropriate tablecloths, cards or decorations? Sure, say Merry Christmas to your friends and people you meet on the street, but don't be offended when the clerk behind the counter wishes you season's greetings while selling you your Christmas sweater.

When corporations, governments and schools adopt religion, that's when I'm moving to Canada.

The Christian Minority my ass. Go to church and pray for enlightenment and forgiveness, you selfish, bigoted hate-mongerers. And pray your skin never turns the wrong color, or that you become attracted to people of your own gender, because then you might REALLY understand what it means to be a suppressed minority.


Friday, November 25, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving!

Things have been busy. I'm spending this weekend with my family and andimals, enjoying a hot tub, good food, shopping and playing Diablo far too much. Really, really too much. Mike's plot to make me the perfect, gamer-girlfriend has turned me into a game addict. Curses!

Anyway, here's a nifty quiz result. It was kinda fun, actually. Hope you're having a fantastic holiday!

You scored as Batman, the Dark Knight. As the Dark Knight of Gotham, Batman is a vigilante who deals out his own brand of justice to the criminals and corrupt of the city. He follows his own code and is often misunderstood. He has few friends or allies, but finds comfort in his cause.

Batman, the Dark Knight




Neo, the "One"


Lara Croft


William Wallace


Indiana Jones


El Zorro


James Bond, Agent 007


The Terminator


Captain Jack Sparrow


The Amazing Spider-Man


Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

On a lighter note, riots continue in France...

From MSN News:
Youths threw gasoline bombs at police who retaliated with tear gas in the southern city of Toulouse, where Interior Minister Nicolas Sarkozy was visiting, LCI television said. Police did not immediately return calls seeking confirmation.

"Neither you nor us have a choice," Sarkozy told police and fire department representatives in Toulouse. "We have to succeed. We will not give a centimeter."

Oh, silly, silly French. It's so cute you use the metric system.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

I have been and am currently sick. I'll write the story of my upper left 12-year molar when I feel better. Yoda's also not feeling well, but I don't think antibiotics would help him as much as they are helping me. He just seems very, very tired. My best guess is that he has some kind of cancer that is no longer being helped by the prednisone. He's wobbly on his feet and splats out wherever he is placed. I'm preparing myself to make the tough decision to have him put to sleep. I don't know when, but I know he'll tell me when he doesn't want to fight anymore. I think it's soon.

And I'm registering for classes for the spring in 7 days. I still haven't really gotten the hang of the ones I'm in now, nonetheless thought anything about what I want to do next.

Today's just been a rough day. The stressful time of the semester is beginning, and all these other things in my life are making being a successful law student difficult.

There you go. My daily whining. Bleh.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

A Laugh:

Watch this video!

I am on vicodin, which I'm sure affects my enjoyment of this fine flick, but I'm guessing you might find it amusing as well.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

More Stupidity

I hate people who are stupid. Many people interviewed in this article are stupid.

Who is stupid? Here's a "dear Abby" style list:
Jeanine K. Mount, associate dean of UW School of Pharmacy, who said requiring pharmacists to stock the morning-after pill would demonstrate a lack of respect for pharmacists' professional standing.

Dear Jeanine, if your "professional" pharmacists are preaching and distributing false information, that is already insulting to their "professional standing." If they want respect, then they should act as though they were professionals.

Matt Sande, legislative director for Pro-Life Wisconsin, who says that drugs that prevent the implantation of a fertilized egg perform "a pre-implantation chemical abortion."

Dear Matt, you are not a doctor. Keep your imaginary medical terms to yourself and those unfortunate enough to be related to you. Oh, and if you're so worried about those precious little egg-sperms, why doesn't your organization find some way to end the tragedies of miscarriages that happen all the time. Who is looking out for those little egg-sperms? They die, all alone...

The FDA, who still hasn't approved the morning-after pill for over-the-counter use despite overwhelming medical and scientific support for this move.

Dear FDA, you've let a lot of people die with drugs like Vioxx and Fen-Fen. I have a great idea: you each have to take one medication, which you will then support for over-the-counter use. It could either be the morning-after pill or a handful of Vioxx. Either way I win.

You know, as much as I support Darwin's evolution theories, I wish humans would have weeded out the morons after so many years. Or, I wish I had a taser.
I can be a really cynical person, especially when it comes to everything.

Tonight I decided to flip through tv channels as though I didn't have the "menu" function like the spoiled law student that I am. I watched a bit of a Wagnerian opera, some sort of demonstration on QVC, and then I landed on the memorial service in Washington D.C. for Rosa Parks.

It was beautiful, inspiring. The love and celebration were fitting. It reminded me of the hopeful messages we were taught as kids, that the righteous can win, that good can overcome, that one person, one small woman on a bus, can help to change the world.

I took a small measure of peace from that. I, the cynic, felt awed and hopeful.

And then Microsoft's Bill Gates puts out huge grants to fund Malaria research and treatment... Maybe there is good in the world?

Maybe things really can change. I'm still not holding my breath, though.

Monday, October 31, 2005

What's the difference between a gay man and a child-molesting priest in the eyes of the Catholic church?

One goes to hell, and the other goes to a different congregation.

It's just so good to see the hypocrites fall on their faces.

Well, no, it's horrible that any of this happened. I'm glad the Catholic church is finally taking a look at the log in its own eye rather than focusing on the splinters in the eyes of everyone else.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

We don't need no water!

"If there was a realignment going on, that's now over," said John Podesta, a White House chief of staff for President Bill Clinton who is now president of the liberal Center for American Progress. "It has crashed and burned."

Burn! Burn! Burn!

Friday, October 28, 2005

Gimmie a Gun:

I have noticed that the conservative Christian agenda has been getting a lot of press lately. They're screaming about conservative judges, pushing intelligent design in schools, and basically ruining the planet.

I'd like to volunteer to do my part and knock off a few.

Ok, no I'm not serious. I plant potatoes that grow sprouts because it's "beautiful life." I am sad every time I see road-kill. We all know humans are NOT my favorite species, but they're still worth capture-neuter-releasing.

I think, in some ways, humanity would have done better if we had participated in a more restrictive breeding program. Someone should have kept the wackos from inbreeding, and maybe culled the herd a little when the fighting started. Maybe castrating a couple of the males to lessen their aggressive tendencies would have helped. There are DEFINITELY some that shouldn't have bred because of real mental problems. I'm thinking we should put them in one of those habitats where there's a giant moat separating the "special" ones from harming the rest of us. They wouldn't even see the fences!

And some people, especially a couple of politicians, should have been put to pasture before they did any more harm. We should learn from those mistakes.

This is why I stick to hedgehogs. They're so much smarter than some of the people in the news. UGH.


Thursday, October 27, 2005

Harriet Miers Withdraws!!

This has really made my morning. :) I really hated her. "Bush is the best governor ever!" Ugh, make me puke.

The only scary thing... Bush still gets to nominate another future-judge. Maybe this one will have some background in, oh, constitutional law, or at least be less in awe of a coke-snorting false prophet.

I can dream, right?

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Wal-Mart and Healthcare:

There's been a lot of talk about Wal-Mart and their role in the continuing health care crisis. From my work, I've found that the most profitable corporation in the nation has average salaries below the poverty line and provides health care for fewer than 44% of their employees. Even when they DO provide health insurance, their employees face expensive premiums in relation to their low salaries and delays of 2 years for part time workers, which Wal-Mart defines as anyone working up to 36 hours per week. In light of these and other equally condemning data, Wal-Mart appears to be using its power for ill, rather than for good.

As I do fact-finding work and write reports extolling the faults of Wal-Mart, I've been trying to figure out how much I believe and how much I'm doing because it's the right political move for "our side." I have to admit, the politics behind the criticism of Wal-Mart is very complex and sometimes convoluted. There seem to be groups who want to fight Wal-Mart regardless of what the fight is about. There are some who hate "the man" and big corporations just because of what they are and their influence over access to the free market.

I, personally, am not a critic of all large business. While I do like small, local businesses because of the quality of service, the diversity they bring to the market and because of the quality employment they can provide, I think that the "market" is becoming more global and large corporations will have the initial ability to connect nations who can produce and those who will purchase. I do not, however, support businesses that take unfair advantage of a nation's poverty or powerless residents to maximize profits regardless of the costs.

I am very skeptical of Wal-Mart's innocence in the many claims brought against them in regards to employment practices, gender equality, and general honesty of business practices. I think they've been a bad, bad corporation.

I don't, however, blame Wal-Mart for not wanting to provide health insurance to its employees, though I suspect they have less than altruistic reasons for their policies. Providing health care in the current environment flat-out sucks.

That being said, Wal-Mart cannot continue lobbying against health care reform while simultaneously refusing to participate in our current system that relies on employers to provide health care. I believe strongly that all Americans deserve health care, and that providing this care will decrease bankruptcy, loss of productivity, shortened lifespan and danger of quickly spreading of communicable diseases or pandemics. Wal-Mart needs to provide health care or use its tremendous world-wide influence to bring about change in the system. In the end, it really is to the benefit of all.

The report I worked on is still in a holding pattern. Meanwhile, it appears that Wal-Mart is bending to pressure to provide better access to its health care program. This is really a dynamic and engaging issue, at least to a nerd like me.


Thursday, October 20, 2005


I'm writing a report for Wisconsin Citizen Action. Look for it in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel sometime in the next week. Darcy Haber will probably be quoted or mentioned. My name, of course, will be left out. :) Somehow these sorts of things lose credibility when people find out they're written by law students...

Oh, a couple other clues to help you find it:
1. It will be about Wal-Mart and other large companies in Wisconsin
2. It will feature numbers like $33 million and $65-$130 billion
3. The author will say things like, "According to a new report from Wisconsin Citizen Action..."

Maybe I'll find it online and post a link.

I think this is the most important thing I've ever written. I even had to compile data and crunch numbers. Anyone who knows me well should know what a big deal it is for me to have crunched numbers.

Sorry I can't write more right now. Head hurts, report due in 17 hours.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

I Hanker for a Hunk of Cheese!!

When I was very young there was a public service announcement mixed in with other commercials during Saturday Morning Cartoons. Timer, a cheese-curd-looking fellow, taught me that cheese can be a delicious and nutritious snack to tide me over until dinner. What a break-through! I'm sure it changed my life forever.

Here, for your viewing pleasure, is Time for Timer. Please don't sue me.

(You need RealPlayer to watch it)
New Photo Gallery:

I have decided that me and Mike are serious enough to share an online photo gallery. I know, it's a big step, but I've thought about it for, well, a couple months, and I finally feel ready!

I'll be updating the gallery with photos of me, Yoda and Lola, Mike, Life and such from time to time. I'll try to post my updates here, too. :)

So, browse and enjoy!

Friday, October 07, 2005

After so much negativity, I need to include these Ig Noble prize-winners. I'm so glad someone's studying swimming in sugar syrup!!

Ig Nobel winners

Medicine - Gregg Miller from the US for his invention of Neuticles - rubber replacement testicles for neutered dogs that are available in varying sizes and degrees of firmness. "Considering my parents thought I was an idiot when I was a kid, this is a great honour," said Mr Miller.

Peace - A UK team for their pioneering research into the activity of locusts' brain cells while the insects watched clips from the Star Wars films.

Physics - John Maidstone from Australia for his part in an experiment that began in 1927 in which a glob of black tar drips through a funnel every nine years. Mr Maidstone shared the prize with a late colleague who died sometime after the second drop.

Biology - The University of Adelaide for "painstakingly smelling and cataloguing the peculiar odours produced by 131 different species of frogs when the frogs were feeling stressed".

Chemistry - A University of Minnesota team who set out to prove whether people can swim faster in water or sugar syrup.

Economics - A Massachusetts inventor who designed an alarm clock that runs away and hides when it goes off.

Nutrition - A Japanese researcher who photographed and analysed every meal he had consumed during a period of 34 years.

Literature - The many Nigerians who introduced millions of e-mail users to a "cast of rich characters... each of whom requires just a small amount of expense money so as to obtain access to the great wealth to which they are entitled".

Agricultural History - A study entitled The Significance of Mr Richard Buckley's Exploding Trousers: Reflections on an Aspect of Technological Change in New Zealand Dairy-Farming between the World Wars.

Fluid Dynamics - Pressures Produced When Penguins Pooh - Calculations on Avian Defaecation.
Oh... My... GW???

Our President is on a mission from God.

:::Bang head against wall:::

Someone needs to tell that man that the voice in his head is really from a chip implanted there when he was high on cocaine.

Where do I even begin? This is probably the most disturbing article I've read in a long time (yes, even moreso than "partial-birth abortions"). First, I'm terrified that his justification for doing things is his radical-right religion. His God tells him to kill people? Wait, what?? Didn't Jesus have something to say about that? And God tells him to dole out judgment against those he doesn't understand? I thought that Jesus said that the blameless should throw the first stone! What happened to the REAL commandment, to LOVE eachother???

God speaks with me, too. He says people like GW are dangerous.

I think the world might be ending.
Sometimes the best thing some people can do for the world is to die.

I think it's true even if you're not a cynic like me. I mean, really, some people will never change. They will never stop causing pain wherever they go. They will never stop hating and lying and destroying everything good and beautiful around them.

I think it's the most reasonable yet slightly morbid and dark thing I've though of in a while.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

An excerpt from Trauma and Recovery:

I'm reading Trauma and Recovery, by Judith Herman, M.D. for my Psychology and the Law seminar. I came across two sections that summarize my frustrations with our society's response to sexual assault, or lack thereof. I did some cutting to keep it more or less concise. Here you go:

"Women quickly learn that rape is a crime only in theory; in practice the standard for what constitutes rape is not at the level of women's experience of violation but just above the level of coercion acceptable to men. That level turns out to be high indeed. In the words of the legal scholar Catherine MacKinnon, "Rape, from women's point of view, is not prohibited; it is regulated." Traditional legal standards recognize a crime of rape only if the perpetrator uses extreme force, which far exceeds that usually needed to terrorize a woman.

"Efforts to seek justice or redress often involve further traumatization for the legal system is often frankly hostile to rape victims. Indeed, and adversarial legal system is of necessity a hostile environment; it is organized as a battlefield in which strategies of aggressive argument and psychological attack replace those of physical force. It provides strong guarantees for the rights of the accused but essentially no guarantees for the rights of the victim. If one set out by design to devise a system for provoking intrusive post-traumatic symptoms, one could not do better than a court of law. Women who have sought justice in the legal system commonly compare this experience to being raped a second time.

"Not surprisingly, the result is that most rape victims view the formal social mechanisms of justice as closed to them, and they choose not to make any official report or complaint. Studies of rape consistently document this fact. Less than one rape in then is reported to police. Only one percent of rapes are ultimately resolved by arrest and convition of the offender. Thus, the most common trauma of women remains confined to the sphere of private life, without formal recognitions or restitution from the community. There is no public monument for rape survivors."

And that's how it is. That's how it feels. What happened to me caused deep psychological injury. It disabled me for almost three months of my life six years after the fact. I will carry scars for the rest of my life. Yet because there was no knife, because I didn't realize my injury at the time, because the law cares less about the trauma and more about protecting innocent men from being accused (and thus ruining their lives) I will never, never have justice. Our society, our system, cares nothing about people like me.

But it's all ok, because at least we don't have crazy bitches screaming "rape" anytime they want to ruin someone's life. Whew! What a relief!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

It's 2am. I have a hedgehog hiding in my crotch and I just found at least two interpretations of the meaning of "The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight" by REM. How many people do you know who can say the same?

This night can't get any better. I'm going to bed.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Welcome Yoda:

I would like to announce the arrival of a very beautiful hedgieboy named Yoda. Yoda has come all the way from Iowa, via Minneapolis, from an owner who was moving to California, the land of hedgehogs-are-illegal-here. Apparently she also didn't have enough time for him, her being in graduate school and all. He has arrived in full cactus-like quill posture, allowing me only fleeting glimpses of his beautiful gray ears and black eyes.

Yoda was supposed to go live with a family, but they decided they didn't have time for a hedgehog at this time. Since he doesn't have a waiting home, he's going to be staying with me for a while, and perhaps for good. I promised him he would only have to leave if he found someone he liked better than he liked me. He responded by huffing at me and tensing his quills, which I took to mean that he understood and appreciated my generosity.

When my new cord to connect my camera to my computer arrives I will be sure to post pictures of him, and some old ones of Mike and Lola and Mike's party and some pretty roses (they're separate photos, but wouldn't it be great if I really DID have a picture of Mike, Lola, Mike's party and yellow roses?). I also might be moving my blog to Mike's website, since he has room for a lot of pictures. I still have to decide whether we're serious enough to share server space...

In other news, things are going well for me, which I guess is kinda huge. I haven't had migraines since I lowered my dose of my Cymbalta (which replaced Effexor), I have enjoyed being around people and haven't had any of the strange feelings that I recognize as PTSD. I hope this week continues to be so good. It would be rather nice to have a good week.

Ok, that's it. Time to sleep.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Walmart Debate

As a budding activist, I have been reading and commenting on some of the blog entries at One of my posts elicited a biting response for the board-critic. You know who I mean: they troll the blogs just to sound like a superior a$$hat, they have uninformed contrary opinions to what everyone posts, etc. They're on every list, I think.

In any case, I thought my response was fairly well written. It took some time to write, especially to get beyond the fact that he told me I was a stupid, naive, future world-ruiner (as a lawyer). Here, for your reading pleasure, my response:

Thank you for your response. I am looking forward to addressing several points you made in your reply that I find false and insulting:

“If I am not mistaken, I believe “at will” means an employee can leave an employer at any time, without notice, for any reason...”

Yes, this is correct. My point in discussing “at will” was that you seemed to miss the fact that an hourly wage is garunteed to an employee for hours worked, not hours worked at 150%. If the employer feels that the employee is not meeting work standards, she may fire the employee or take corrective action through a disciplinary policy developed by the human resources department. She may NOT arbitrarily dock salary, as hourly wages are protected by law. Wages are per hour, not per effort as you said to John D. yesterday at 11:09AM

“You are a 2nd year law student, hence, you have no understanding of the real world and the obstacles most of us face every day in trying to run a business.”

This is very dismissive and presumes a lot of things. Do you know how old 2nd year law students are? They can be any age, from 21-55 (yes, we have a 2L who is that old). They can also come from a variety of backgrounds, including having previously been a business owner who really _does_ understand the real world and the obstacles most of “you” face every day in trying to run a business. You cannot speak to my knowledge or experience. Only I can.

“It is difficult to move because when the government has not erected an obstacle, they are slowing you down by grabbing your pockets and draining the money.”

I understand. A very good friend of mine started and runs his own tech-support business. He faces a lot of the same obsticles that you speak of. Government regulation can be mind-blowingly ridiculous. I agree.

“Lawyers are responsible for a great deal of pain in this country and they are a drain on society. They create nothing, they build nothing, they manage nothing and they risk nothing.”

I don’t appreciate the insult to what I am choosing to study. Many people who graduate from law school go on to work for non-profit agencies such as Walmart Watch or Community Justice centers. Lawyers represent workers who feel their rights have been violated. Most of the safety features of cars, amusement park rides, surgeries and everyday household goods have been enacted as the result of a torts claim against the manufacturers or doctors because of negligence that has resulted in death or great bodily harm. If you have received a glaucoma test before the age of 40, you have directly benefitted from a law suit against an optomitrist. Lawyers represent the Humane Society of the United States as it tries to pass legislation protecting companion animals or service animals that help assist those with a variety of handicaps. I believe that lawyers _can_ add a lot to society, and I _am_ glad I am going into a field that will allow me to help so many people. (I admit some lawyers are a$$holes. I wish they weren’t, too)

I understand your perspective and your work ethic. They are the very work ethics that have built our country up for the past 250 years. I hope you understand, however, that there are new viewpoints on what employers can demand, and what employees may demand as well. Buisness owners face huge overheads because of health care costs, workers comp and the like. It is difficult to compete with businesses world-wide because we are the only industrialized nation who provides healthcare through employment, raising the cost of our products and services. There are many competing ideas for solutions, none of which are perfect.

I DO encourage you to learn more about alternative work paradigms such as those used by Google, in Canada and Europe, and in the Far East. Many experts now suggest that forcing a human to perform mechanically for 8 hour shifts does not increase productivity as much as providing breaks, intellectual stimulation and an encouraging and supportive environment that welcomes criticism an new ideas. I sense that you have a very strong moral conviction to the idea of working 150%, but I hope you understand that not every human can or should function that way, nor are they necessarily lazy, self-righteous and stupid. I hope you also understand that a lot of factors go into how a person performs at work, and there many, many things that affect the population who most commonly works at Walmart, including poverty, abuse at home, family members who use drugs/alcohol, lack of access to healthcare and education, just to name a few. These are not necessarily people who just don’t work hard because they don’t think they should have to.

I appreciate that you are a very intelligent man, judging by your responses to others’ comments. I am sorry you felt the most appropriate response to me was to be dismissive and insulting. I understand the area you live in, the problems there, the population there; my parents lived there most of their lives, and we still have a lot of family in the area. There are definitely business and labor problems, and I can easily see how that could lead to frustration and anger. I hope your intelligence leads you to explore alternative employment approaches, the lives of the impoverished and uninsured, and difficulties faced by minority populations. Law school has certainly opened my eyes to the suffering in the world all around us. I hope you are able to turn your anger into compassion for the humans around you, and that you find a way to help them make their lives better, baby-step at a time.

Yes, I know not everyone will be helped, not everyone wants to change. We can only do our best. Helping others is the job I will work at 150%. I hope you can too.

Say “hi” to the hills for me. I haven’t been back to Wheeling in a long time. (I’m assuming you’re from Wheeling, WV. Please correct me if I’m wrong.)


Monday, September 19, 2005

I thought I'd take a minute to write a blog that no one wants to read. That's not to say that anyone has ever wanted to read any of my other blogs, but I'm pretty sure this one will be one of the least wanting-to-read-able ones I've written.

Partial-birth Abortions

It's kinda like saying the most inappropriate knock-knock joke ever (ask Nathan). Here's something that'll help you read a little bit more:


That is a completely made-up term that the radical women-haters came up with to offend the most people possible in the time it takes to speak those words. It brings to mind some of the most horrible images I think can exist in the head of someone who doesn't watch horror movies or live in war zones. In that sense, I think those crazies did a great job. Good job on coming up with a horrible name, crazies!

Why do I call them crazies? Because they are crazies. Who else but a crazy would find something in medicine that happens at truly heart-breaking moments, dress it up in discourse and vomit it into the public sphere. It would be like taking a really close look at what happens when an elderly person dies, naming it something horrible and blaming it on women and liberals.

So, what is this procedure that actually does exist? It's actually something that is done when, often in the second trimester (five months, more or less), the mom-to-be finds out that her baby is dead or horribly deformed/disabled to the point that it will not gain consciousness and will die within moments of birth.

To find out your baby isn't alive, that it will never look into your eyes, that trying to deliver her would literally kill you because of the deformities... I can't imagine a more horrifying, tragic moment for a woman.

Insert Radical Right, blame the woman and BAM! You have yourself the USA!

The procedure done at that sensitive time is done to preserve a woman's ability to have future, healthy children. It prevents harm to the mother that she would face if she waited to deliver naturally. It is a procedure that could save her life.

I would tell you not to look up the details of the procedure. It isn't pleasant to learn about. The best site to look to for facts rather than spin, if you really want to, is this site. Don't worry, there are no scary pictures or people telling you that you'll be going to hell for visiting.

And why am I writing about D&X procedure (its real name, by the way)? Because I was reading about what will be on the docket of the Supreme Court this fall, and how it will operate minus one Justice. I'm in law school, those kinds of things fascinate me.


Saturday, September 10, 2005

Uh, constitution anyone?

Courts ruled today that President Bush can hold people, even US citizens, indefinitely without bringing charges against them.

UGH!!!! WTF?? Hello CONSTITUTION??? So we can uphold a stupid clause that says "right to bear personal assault rifles" but not "right to a speedy trial?" It's not like they couldn't make up evidence against him!!! They don't even need a damn search warrant to get his stuff from his home, nevermind THAT is specifically in the constitution!

UGH UGH UGH This is TOTALLY why America was formed!!! TO ESCAPE THIS TYRANNY!!!

I'm not saying let him go, but WTF is so hard about bringing charges? Is he THAT innocent?!?!?


WHY do I have to learn about the Constitution if the only thing we UPHOLD is HOW MANY YEARS A PRESIDENT CAN SERVE??!?!?!?

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Today I decided I don't want to be so angry at everyone around me anymore. I bought three books on mindfulness, stress reduction and buddhism in the hopes that they inspire me to view my fellow humans with more kindness and less venom.

Because, you know, it's just so much work to hate everyone.

I wish I could be a happy person again. It feels like it's been a long time since happiness and kindness were easy for me. I _DO_ feel like I'm still that person, somewhere beneith the self-loathing and depression and anger...

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

UW Law school is hosting several law students from Tulane Law School in New Orleans. Tulane's website outlines a very logical, organized response to the disaster and how it will impact current students. I wish our government were run by smart, organized people, too.

It'll never happen.

Thinking about displaced law students really blows my mind. This catastrophe is so enormous that I can't get my head around it. I'm glad my law school is helping the situation in some small but meaningful way. I plan to donate my Buffalo Creek Disaster book to help out the visiting students.

This thing is bigger than anyone can understand.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Yay Government!

I just wanted to write a brief note about how I feel the government is doing a fabulous job in the wake of Katrina. Just fabulous! Good show!

I think we can all be proud of our president for his unwavering dedication to responding after 5 days. Of course, we all know he has made flood control a priority since the beginning of his administration, since we all remember the "I hate floods" ads that ran last November. Thank goodness we have a president with a solid background on fully funding levee projects, encouraging New Orleans to do whatever it will take to keep their people safe.

And thank goodness he's so good with the military! If we didn't have a president who was so well-versed in sending aid in 9/11 and sending the army to war in Iraq, we might not have had such a well-organized, structured and prompt response. I'm so glad that he had the wherewithal to make sure that our National Guard and FEMA were there to help people the minute the pumps failed.

I am quite certain that all of those people who enjoyed such care and welcome at the New Orleans evacuation centers will support this administration and his Republican congress as they move forward with this tragedy. Who said they couldn't get people to vote? I'm sure these grateful citizens will!

So, hooray for Bush, hooray for Congress, hooray for FEMA who turned away water from Walmart and gas from the Navy! You have our best interest at heart. I rest assured that, were I trapped in New Orleans,on a roof without food or water, without medicine I needed to live, you would have shot me yourselves you terrible excuses for human beings. There is blood on your hands.

You make me SICK.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Animal-less Meat:

My friend Nathan Naze wrote about this new development in his blog last week in regards to an article in The Guardian: When Meat is Not Murder

In his comments there was a very, well, "interesting" discussion of whether or not figuring out how to grow animal-less meat is a good use of resources, or if it would be more efficient of keeping the meat industry as it is.

I have to say, it made me more than a little sick.

It wasn't just the arrogance of the discussion that bothered me, but it was arrogant. It reminded me of the kind of people who think their opinion is important just because they are smart people, not because they knew anything at all about the subject. I have to admit that kind of arrogance bothers me a lot, especially because I am surrounded by it at law school all the time. It seems that once people are accepted into exclusive graduate programs, they assume their opinions on everything are brilliant and insightful, and begin talking just to hear themselves talk. It doesn't help that the professors often encourage this practice. I hear it's particularly bad at Harvard Law School. They shit gold.

What also bothered me about the discussion was the lack of discussion or thought of animals as anything but a resource to be used at will. The fact is these are sentient, feeling beings that form relationships and have emotions.

I prefer not to write any more on the topic right now, since I make enemies this way. I'll close with the comment I left on the blog:

Prior to my post there was a brief debate about whether the effort needed to develop the technology to have animal-less meat was really less energy than was used to sustain and butcher animals in our current often brutal, inhumane way (only there was no talk about it being brutal or inhumane).

This new kind of animal-less meat is going to be developed through the ongoing research with stem cells, actually. It's not that this is a specific area of science that receives large grants, resources, etc; rather, the experiments and research that will cure a ton of human ailments that I can't spell will have the side-benefit of leading to the production of animal muscle without the animal. Someday scientists also hope to have the ability to grow human organs without humans.

Personally, I believe the sooner our society recognizes the importance of treating life with respect (and I'm NOT talking about two fricking cells or people with mushy brains), the sooner we will evolve spiritually.

If you haven't already watched it, I recommend watching "A Peaceable Kingdom." I also recommend buying organic eggs from chickens who have access to sunlight and other animal products from family farms or companies who promote the humane treatment of animals.

By the way, cows are quite a burden on the environment. The world has nearly 1.2 billion cows whose methane production contributes significantly (about 20% of global methane gas production) to the greenhouse affect, not to mention the fact that rainforests are burned every year to provide more room for their grazing because of the tremendous demand for their fatty flesh. Plus, of course, they need plenty of grass (which requires water) and water (which is water) and often antibiotics. Antibiotics are especially troublesome, since we then consume, then excrete them into the sewer system, which isn't set up to filter out pharmaceuticals, thus leading to a build-up of pharmaceuticals, especially antibiotics, in our water system, which could lead to less affective antibiotics for infections and more antibiotic-resistant infections, and no one likes those.

I'll look forward to animal-less meat.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005


It's funny.

With all this "remembering" that I've been doing with the assault and all, there is so much about me, about my life, about the past six years and about next week that are just, well, really different now. I thought I had things pretty figured out about myself, especially for the past year, maybe two, since I had been seriously in the "figuring-out" part of my life. I mean, after all, I had figured out that I wanted to go to law school, figured out that my ex-boyfriend was an ass-hat, figured out I should live alone, things like that. I even thought I had figured out why I had been depressed, what had happened in my life up to that point and how I was going to change things.

You know, realizing that you've been hiding emotions from yourself for six years, not just little emotions but screaming, wailing, crying emotions that tear you apart every time you find them again and again and again, that kinda changes things.

They're thinking of putting me back on Zoloft. I thought I knew what Zoloft did to me. Now that I know that I was on Zoloft amidst an abusive relationship after being assaulted and was repressing emotions to keep from having a total breakdown, I guess, I don't really know what things were caused by Zoloft and what things were caused by, well, the situation.

I thought I had my failed relationship between the abusive one and now all figured out, too. Well, when I'm repressing something like an assault, it makes me wonder how much of that was coming through.

Could my headaches be tied to that? Could my terrible depressions be tied to that? My sometimes self-destructive behavior? My lack of commitment to one future path? My hatred of German?

I feel like I have to go back and look at everything with new eyes, because I have become new.

I feel like I have been hardened by hell's fire; I burned this summer. The person who has emerged isn't' quite the same as the one who ignited in March. I want to take different classes than the ones for which I was registered. I have different career interests. I am passionate in different areas. I feel less comfortable around my peers and more comfortable being alone, where I am safe. I am not afraid to start an argument with a perfect stranger, but I mostly want to disappear into the wallpaper.

So, is this me? Am I New? Or is this still something broken and injured, something unfinished, something that will heal and solidify into Myself once again?

I have felt the emotions I couldn't feel then. Have they changed me or just broken me?

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

I know, I know...

...I'm hiding again. I'm doing it on purpose. It's alright though. I just have a lot to accomplish in the couple weeks before school starts. I still have one exam left: Criminal Procedure. I also have discovered that I don't remember the last month of class. No, I don't mean that I don't remember what we learned in class because I was daydreaming, or that it just went over my head. I mean that I blocked it, like I blocked my locker combo. It's just not there at all. When I read my notes, there is no sympathetic resonating in my brain, no recognition what so ever. I'm pretty sure it has to do with the state of dissociation and panic I was in for that month, probably it has something to do with blocking that whole month from my mind. It's funny, in a way, to think that I'm repressing the memory of my life as I was remembering my repressed memory.

I also have a very nice young man in Madison who is going to adopt a hedgehog. Super cool! I'm going to make a run to Sheboygan this weekend to pick him up, I think. I might come home with one more for myself if the situation warrants. Not sure on that and not making any promises! It certainly is a labor of love :)

I also have to do things like figure out my schedule for fall classes, contact the person/organization with whom I'm doing my externship, figure out my role with the PILF board, figure out what to do with SALDF, and the like. Oh, and clean my apartment. Not enough time in the day anymore.

My finally tidbit is that I hate the SERF because their hours have switched from open-whenever-kristen-wants-to-go to terribly-inconvenient-because-kristen-finally-got-off-her-ass-and-made-a-workout-plan. . I'm not ok with this. 11:30 am to 6:30pm on weekdays, and CLOSED on the weekends, and that is NOT enough time to read the new Harry Potter book!! Yes, that's my incentive. I only read while moving my legs on a bike at the SERF. It is the only reason I go. Damn me and my too-good incentive!

Ok, time to study.


Thursday, August 11, 2005

I am only one,
But still I am one.
I cannot do everything.
But still I can do something.
And because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do,
The something that I can do.

Edward Everett Hale

Monday, August 08, 2005


Does anyone out there want a gmail account? I have 50 to invite people to use. Send a comment with your e-mail address for an invitation.

I know I haven't written in a while. Too bad. I've been tired.

Property exam tomorrow.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

A Little Bit:

A bit of an update from me.

First, Lola is an amazing animal companion. She has been growing more and more comfortable around me these past few weeks, primarily due to the large amount of time I spend snuggling with her. She runs free in the living room and kitchen at night, returning to her cage for her litter box and food. I generally find her in her favorite spot in the morning, along with some hair clips or my cell phone or a bracelet. She comes when I call her name, though I think that's because she thinks "Lola" means "Mealworms."

Studying has been going well for Property, though I haven't gotten anything done today because I had a migraine most of the time. I blame that on the falling barometric pressure, which is one of my biggest migraine triggers. (it actually can be a trigger, I looked it up). I should be able to take the exam sometime this week.

Finally, a quote from my favorite Senator:
Senator Russ Feingold, a member of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, who said, “Mr. Bolton is fundamentally unsuited for the job, and his record reveals a truly disturbing intolerance of dissent. Mr. Bolton did not win the support of a majority of members of the Foreign Relations Committee, and the Senate refused to make a final decision on this nomination pending review of documents that the Administration declined to provide in blatant disregard for the Senate’s constitutional rights and responsibilities. But despite all of the warning signs and all of the red flags, the President has taken this extraordinary step to send a polarising figure with tattered credibility to represent us at the United Nations. At a time when we need to be doing our very best to mend frayed relationships, encourage real burden-sharing, and nurture a rock-solid international coalition to fight terrorism and the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction, the American people deserve better than John Bolton.”

Thursday, July 21, 2005

More Letters:

I'm writing to my senators. Are you?

Senator Kohl,

As the Senate prepares to question the Presidential nominee for the next Supreme Court Justice, I hope you are able to balance both the short-term and long-term needs of our judiciary and our country.

Women's reproductive rights and civil rights for same-sex couples are both special-interest issues, it's true. However, these are issues that could be severely harmed by an overzealous conservative on the Supreme Court. This possibility frightens me greatly, not only because of the legal battles that would rage in response, but because of the people in my life that it would hurt so deeply.

I understand that the Senate's job is to find a nominee whose intelligence, judicial experience and mindset will allow for flexibility and justice on the Court and in our country for the next 30 years. I hope you are able to accomplish this goal while keeping in mind that justice cannot prevail in our country while the rights of women and loving couples suffer.

Thank you for your consideration, and thank you for representing our great state.

Law Student

Senator Feingold,

As the Senate begins to question the president's nominee for the open seat on the Supreme Court, I hope that you will remain undecided until his views and stances have been fleshed out.

Although I know that issues like reproductive rights and civil rights for homosexual couples are special interests that will represent only a small portion of the next Justice's career, I hope that you are still able to remain responsive to those of us who are so very concerned about the negative impact an overzealous conservative justice may have on these issues well into the future. I cannot imagine how difficult it will be to find a balance between special and important interests and the needs of our judiciary 30 years into the future. I'll send you good thoughts and positive energy (or prayers if that's your thing, but I like to separate church and state).

Thanks, as always, for being a responsive and responsible representative of the values of our state. You make me proud to live in Wisconsin.

Law Student

Wednesday, July 20, 2005


The Morons have a crappy website. I'm printing out my letter and mailing it to them in Washington DC.

I might be an angry feminist, but I'm not lazy. When's the last time you sent a letter?

Late Letter-writing Campaigns:

Well, it's a day like all the rest and so I have come across a moronic statement by Wendy Wright of Concerned Women of America (aka anti-women's rights crazies) in an article about RU-486 (morning after pill) and the fact that it kills 1 in 100,000 people who takes it (well, actually, that a bacteria does when associated with this pill). Her statement: "Changing the label the last time clearly didn't help the latest woman who died," Wright said. "Sadly, people who support RU-486 apparently believe the risk of death is preferable to having a child."

Just for the record, both Viagra and HAVING A BABY have higher death rates than RU-482 (5 in 100,000 and 9.9 in 100,000 respectively).

What I would really like to do is first ram my head through a wall because I'm SO FRICKING TIRED OF MORONS LIKE THIS, and then write a very profane letter explaining with anatomical precision exactly what these "concerned women" can do with their judgmental attitudes and organizations.

I also find that I have a very amusing desire to scream "Wendy Wright's a whore!" at a Concerned Women of America rally, and it makes me giggle and smile. Sick but honest.

In all seriousness, it's not because I really think that they're less intelligent or that I'm better than them that I hate them with such a fury. Rather, it's that people and organizations like this choose to villanize women who refuse to take their "proper roles" as mothers in society, like they did and their mothers before them. It's not really about a couple little cells when it comes down to it. If it were, wouldn't they be out to find some sort of a cure for all those miscarriages? I mean, think of all those babies dying! All that senseless death, we just let it happen! No, none of that. They're upset because women have sex outside of marriage, which means women have power outside of the marriage, which upsets the roles our society set out for women and men. These are the same people who hate gays because they mess up everything, being all same-sex and all. Who does the woman's work? Who is the man in the house? WE DON'T KNOW AND IT'S KILLING US!

Ok, maybe that wasn't all serious. I can't talk about them long before I break down into making fun of them. It's my way of dealing with people whose ideas are close-minded and ignorant. And no, calling them these things does not make me close-minded or intolerant because I would never force them to believe something they didn't believe. They can hate me for being a liberated woman all they want, that's just fine. I would NEVER force an abortion on someone, never never never. They, however, want to force children on people, even people whose lives would be at risk as a result, or whose children would be seriously handicapped because of genetic or pharmaceutical issues. Their ideas, which they believe should be imposed on us all, harm women and men and society as a whole so deeply that I feel it physically as I type these words.

Anyway, the point is, I wrote them a letter, and it's way nicer than I would like it to be. I'm trying to learn to choose my words and not pick fights or be argumentative or something like that. Anticlimactic, I know. I'm tired, too bad.

"I recently read an article on where Wendy Wright, senior policy director for your organization, noted that the changes to the label on RU-486 did not save the life of the latest woman who died, and that "Sadly, people who support RU-486 apparently believe the risk of death is preferable to having a child."

"I would suggest that your organization do some research into the risk associated with pregnancy and childbirth. The rate of maternal mortality in 2001 was 9.9 per 100,000 live births, which is exactly 9.9 times as likely to cause death as RU-486. Not only can pregnancy be fatal, but it also can negatively impact other areas of a woman or couple's life. Pregnancy discrimination complaints filed with the federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission jumped 39% from 1992 to 2003. Millions of women and families are uninsured and the cost of prenatal care and delivery have continued to increase.

"I would say that there would be many reasons why taking a very statistically safe drug would be preferable to taking on the risks of pregnancy and child-bearing. I find this not a "sad" thing but rather one that is logical, though it is a decision that Wendy Wright would not choose to make. I certainly hope that Wendy Wright is never forced to use these drugs, as this would infringe upon her right to decide when she chooses to carry a pregnancy to term. What IS "sad" is that Wendy Wright and Concerned Women for America feel it necessary to judge women and couples by their use of a prescribed pharmaceutical. That has me very concerned indeed."

And may you be hit by a bus, and when you're in the hospital may your doctor come in and say "I'm sorry, but I'm morally opposed to dispensing pain medication." and leave you in agony, you STUPID FREAKING MORONS.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

USA: Home of the Energetically Misguided

I wanted to briefly share some thoughts that have been rolling about in my head the past couple of days. I feel as though I am slowly but surely climbing from my time of dark pessimism and lost faith in the world.

Wait. Don't get too excited; I still think that basically things suck.

Sorry, I didn't want to get your hopes up too much. I will say, however, that I see the United States as less of a land of selfish folly and idolatrous disease and more as a nation with all the right tools and all the wrong direction.

We have people dedicated to fighting for the lives of our fellow humans, in courts, on the streets, in government, in church, who have dedicated their lives to preserving that which they deeply believe to be sacred. Who of us can really disagree that life is sacred, really, since we can only express this sentiment because we have been gifted with this very sacred gift ourselves. Life is possibly the most important aspect of all creation.

And yet, these people and this fight centers only around the life that exists or doesn't exist between a handful of cells. We fight for the life of something that may or may not qualify as Life with a capital "L" rather than the lives of those that everyone can agree are really, truly alive, though by the time you read this, several thousand more have already slipped beyond the point of saving.

Again, there are corporations and organizations that have invested millions of dollars and hundreds of hours to tracking and shutting down operations of people who have taken to the internet to complete illicit transactions. The courts have repeatedly empowered these companies and governments and service providers with the means to end these transactions and bring these rings of illegal activities to a halt.

And yet, these millions of dollars and hundreds of hours are devoted to the trade in music files. Music files. These resources aren't lent to organizations who wish to stop child pornography rings. These resources aren't lent to organizations who wish to stop US citizens from tracking down countries to visit where they can buy time with a child sex worker through web sites and e-mail.

The USA has the energy. We have the means. We even have the motivation. We just don't seem to pick our causes very well. We'd rather catch up on our soaps and sports teams and complain about the economy than be a part of something that could really change our world forever.

I just don't know why.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Sunset Captiva:

It's just that good.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Football and Politics:

I hate election time. All the commercials about so-and-so, the one who did such-and-such who is really out to eat your babies and steal your money remind me too much of high school gossip. People call it mud slinging. I think it's more like watching all the bullies from preschool vomit and push each other into it.

That's not my point. What is my point? Good question, as always. Have you noticed that there are no political commercials on right now? No one is telling me what bad things the democrats/republicans/greens/communists/space aliens are doing! While I don't miss the vomit-bath I described above, I am rather surprised; based on the amount of terrible things our political leaders accused one another of perpetrating last November, I would have expected that at least _one_ of them would follow up and say "Hey! Look! You elected so-and-so and now look what is happening! I told you so, you morons!"

Just like no one is coming on tv to say, "Hi again, it's me, the one who you rightly elected, just updating you on the wonderful things I'm doing. Aren't you glad you made the right choice?" I haven't even seen many great things happening at all. Did we elect all the wrong people?

It seems to me that the only time we hear anything real about politicians is when they're running for office. That's when we hear about their voting record. That's when we hear about how many vacations they took while in office, or who they visited or who they molested, or to whom they sold out. And you know what? Everyone gets REALLY pissed off about what their elected officials have been doing! How dare they! Let's get someone new in there!

Well, where were the vomit-rollers when that stuff was happening? Where is the media to say, look! He's on vacation again! Look! She's selling out to so-and-so! Hey, look! They lied!

It's like we're watching the NFL draft while they're summarizing the brutal plays that happened during the rest of the season, but no one has been watching the games. No one even seems to know what channel the games are on, since they're not on prime-time, and they don't have good announcers, and no one really has explained how the game works, what the rules are, or what the hell is going on. There are no tickets sold, no live audiences, and sometimes very few of the players even show up when they're supposed to. Even so, every year, two years, four years, when the teams are picking players, everyone sees all the commercials about who the teams should pick, what the players have done, and who would do a better job.

They even get money from big companies, but they don't actually have to wear the symbol, logo, or do actual commercials.

But it's ok, because no one cares right now. It's July 4th, a patriotic day. No one wants to think about elections!

Happy Independence Day!

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Sophie Z.
(Jan. 2002 - June 29, 2005)

Farewell my sweet, sweet girl. Mommy loves you and will never, ever forget you, your quilly butt and your brilliant ruby eyes!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Seasons Come and Go

Today I fed Sophie and Lola the first mealworms big enough to eat from my beetle and mealworm-growing habitat. Sophie especially liked them, because they were smallish and soft and easy for her to eat. It has taken a couple of months to get mealworms to grow into beetles, reproduce and then get mealworms to grow big enough to feed to the girls. It really felt complete to have gone through the life cycle of those little mealworms, with all their grossness, for the eating pleasure of my two lovely ladies.

I can sense that another season is very near completion, though I had hoped it would last a bit longer. Sophie grows more tired as her cancer grows within her. She is very peaceful, and she enjoys sleeping in her tube or near her tube or under some fleece blankets. She will look at me sleepily with her brilliant ruby eyes, blink them drowsily, lick her nose, and then rest her head near her paws. I can tell from the way she looks at me that she knows it is almost time. It is that far away look that visits each visage in the end days. I can only trust that I will know when the day comes that it is time. Of all the small things I worry about, I am concerned that I will not have the strength to drive myself to and from the vet that day.

She changed a lot for me, my Sophie. Hedgehog rescue, animal law, yahoo groups, hedgehogs at all; these things that are so much a part of how people know me, how I spend my time and what I care about, they're all because she came into my life and I wanted to learn how to care for her and understand her. She gave me a lot for being such a small creature.

I will miss my Sophie time. What a beautiful season it has been.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

There IS intelligent life...

Sometimes I can be a bit cynical (a shock to all, I'm sure). There are weeks on end that I think about the world as a wholly dark place, filled with mindless animals satisfying base needs at the expense of whomever and whatever is in their way. In these times I see how all the cogs and machines and influences and spirals fit together to keep the greedy in power, keep real change a pipe dream and keep the uneducated, apathetic drones happy with their reality television.

And then I come across an article like this. Wow. People can think, and some really do get it. Some really, really get it.

Of course, no one really listens to them. If you read the whole article, you'll notice that we have, in fact, turned on Muslims and those of middle-east descent, waged war in retribution maybe(?), and have yet to bring any to justice, unless you count a prison where the prisoners have no legal council, still, and no rights either as US prisoners nor as prisoners of war under the Geneva convention.

One quick note on that: I am truly glad that our nation is a beacon of democracy and justice to all developing democracies the world over with our dealing with prisoners of war and of terrorism investigation. Gosh, can you imagine what we'd think of a country that tortured people, held people unfairly, violated international treaties and marched into a foreign nation under suspicious circumstances?

I'm only a cynic sometimes. Some other times I'm unconscious or eating ice cream. Seriously. I do sleep.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

My View:

I've decided the world is a dark and evil place full of people who care nothing of others and who wouldn't stop at anything to get more for themselves. I have decided this is never going to change. Politicians are bought and sold by parties and interest groups, through lobyists and wealthy corporations, sometimes even individuals. People don't care what is going on in the world. They demand CNN tell them about the run-away bride, not about the genocide or the reality of Iraq (betcha don't know it!) or heck, Eastern Europe? South America? Ever heard of those places? Well, not that it matters, since the people who own the media also own big companies who build in these places, tap the natural resources, pay the workers nothing (which is more than they had, but really, you want to feel patriotic about paying people 2 cents per hour so your shoes only cost 10 bucks from Walmart?)

I digress. It's never going to change. The world isn't set up to be a good place. That's not the point. We're not supposed to save it or fix it because we can't. The corruption and the lies and the politics and the greed have lived beyond our written history, and are the fault of people long since burred and forgotten as dust, probably the really hard dust to clean off of ceiling fan blades or computer fans.

There are only a few of us who are going to see the world for what it is. Some people might think it's a little less dark than I do, because I'm in a particularly bad mood right now. There are a lot of people who won't ever look beyond the life that they lead every day to see what's going on, so they won't even notice. But people who get it will just get it. We'll know the point isn't to fix it, it's to survive. The point is just to make it out, and even in the end we'll still die trying.

See, we have this fable we like to tell where everyone is promised a good life, meeting the person of their dreams, having that house on the corner and passing away with money to spare. Forget it. No one promised us that it would be easy. No one promised women a perfect man. There isn't one. There's no perfect woman either. People die poor. People die without children. People's children die. People die never having owned a house. THAT is life, not the fable some of us grew up believing.

And this makes me cynical, right? This means I'm hopeless and means I hate everything? Not really. Not at all, actually.

Because I know there's more than this. I feel it deep down and that's how I know it's true. It's the way you hear someone tell you news that you knew about already. That's the way I know. I know that nothing here is forever. I know there's a reason and there's a plan. Oh no, not God's plan for me, well, not really. Not how a lot of people mean. God would be a pretty big bastard to have made me go through this shit, even worse for what he makes other people go through, don't you think? Who'd need a devil then! Who'd need hell! I really don't believe that anyone's imagination of hell could be worse than the lives of some of our brothers and sisters here on earth.

And so, who's plan? What more? Well, I can't tell you because you're going to laugh. I'm just going to say that I believe it and you should search and search until you find something that you believe with all your heart that answers all your questions, that makes sense deep, deep down, and that makes every day of this sometimes truly AWFUL life tolerable and that changes the way you see everything, really changes things.

I will tell you, though, that I believe in finding other good people, gaining strength from one another, and in trying to make life easier for those around me, even if it's just holding open a door for someone with his arms full. I might try to tackle some bigger problems because I have the means and the will, but you know, even a little bit can mean a lot sometimes. I believe there are other good people out there, because I know so many of them. I'm even related to a few. I believe that there are some good things, too, but that it is OK to hate people if they really suck or be angry and separate yourself from anyone in your life who is hurtful or negative.

All the good things in the world are still there, I just don't talk about them as much since they surrounded me for the first 22 years of my life or so. It's just that I was blind to all the evil, the true evil, that I have a lot of catching up to do.

And the Jesus guy said a lot of good things that just happened to be totally perverted by 2000 years of political bile. How have the words of the man who hated dogma become dogma? Don't get me started on that one.

Speaking of dogma: I'm not into some new religion. The word religion to me feels too close to dogma, and I hate dogma. I believe in finding my own truth. I have found some good stuff that's gonna make my life way easier. Go and look for your truth, wherever it may be. As long as it doesn't get in my way.

A Few Thoughts I Don't Have The Energy To Really Get Into But Wish To Express:

I went to Las Vegas and I had a wonderful time, but man, has anyone else been there and been creeped out by it? Opulance and absurdity and worship of the Selfish Man as only one of many false gods. I'm not talking about people going to hell, because there's no hell. But damn. The world goes to hell and the rich go to Vegas.

Cirque de Soleil is the most amazing combination of art, motion, music, drama and skill I have ever seen. This is what I dreamed of when I was young, that the world would erupt into Mystere.

It's easier to jog when it's not 90 degrees. It's also easier to jog when I don't have migraines every day. Low atmospheric pressure causes me to have migraines. Las Vegas has lower atmospheric pressure, and I had a migraine every day I was there. I remembered why I didn't jog for so long. No energy.

God, that Vegas stuff makes me sound like a spoiled yet cynical bitch. Only someone as spoiled as me could be in my position, to have the good fortune to have a family well-off enough to go, and then seem to judge it so harshly and condem the people who go. Let me clarify: I'm not condemning. I'm just saying it scared me. It was the type of maddening materialism that makes me feel like the world is really, truly, I mean REALLY going crazy. It's the kind of culture that will make people literally forget what is real after a while.

The Wisconsin State Assembly passed a measure that will basically protect medical professionals from being punished from not performing certain procedures, and FURTHER from refusing to refer the patient to another medical professional who can perform the procedure that he or she has found morally reprehensive.

I could talk about this one for about 20 minutes but I'll only say this: I resepect that a medical professional may have a moral issue with a procedure. Shoulda picked a job where it wouldn't be an issue, but didn't, ok. Most places wouldn't fire them for not doing it as long as there was someone else to do it, but ok. Hardly ever would come up, ok. ALLOWING A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL TO REFUSE A PROCEDURE BASED ON MORAL GROUNDS IS TAKING THEIR RELIGIOUS RIGHT AND IMPOSING IT ON SOMEONE ELSE'S RIGHT TO HAVE DIFFERENT RELIGIOUS BELIEFS, NOT TO MENTION COMPITENT MEDICAL SERVICE.

Oh, but some things are "just wrong," right? OK! Then fricking DO something about the situations that cause the "wrong" thing that you hate so much! You hate abortion? Why not make sure people have birth control options! Hate birth control? Teach people more about sex and teach young women about their bodies and their options so they're not caught unaware! (studies show the more they know, the longer they wait, by the way) Or we could just make mothers act like mothers, which is really what it's all about. Even if we could save the fetuses, you wouldn't be happy. It's all about keeping those mothers where they should be. Anyone ever ask about those fathers? Ever even THINK about them?

More than I intended.

I'll end this post and write another.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Words of Advice:

Don't go jogging at 1pm when it's really hot and you're kinda dehydrated. You get heat exhaustion or heat stroke. Those are bad things.

If a toilet is plugged, stop flushing it. Toilets can and will overflow.

Lightning is what you see flashing in the sky. Thunder is what you hear after you see the lightning. If you mix up the two around nuclear physicists, you might sound dumb.

Speaking of nuclear physicists... Mike's co-worker and his wife threw a fabulous party on Saturday night, which both Mike and I attended. The food was great, the atmosphere and weather were wonderful and the company was wonderful as always. The only trouble is when the guests divide along gender lines. That means the guys, who are the plasma physicists, go and talk about plasma physics and drink beer and look like something straight out of King of the Hill, while the girls sit around the table and drink fruity alcohol and talk about weddings.

These are all really awesome people, but I'm not sure where I fit in less, the plasma physics or talking about planning, holding and thinking about my wedding. I did the wedding chat for a while, and then sat with some of the guys, who by that point started talking about the legal powers of a neighborhood association, which I actually could talk about. I never thought that property class would come in handy.

One final bit of advice: Think carefully before watching the Back to the Future trilogy with people who will pause the movies to engage in debate over the fine points of time travel and how events fit into the movie-created timeline. ;)

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Hedgehog Pics:

Here are pictures, including a beautiful painting I now own by Amanda Hanlon.

Sophie sticks her tongue out

Lola Checks out the new painting

What? Me? Did you say something about me?

I think down would be a good place to go!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Sophie has Cancer

The vet took some biopsies of Sophie's lump and it turns out that it's a cancer, probably of her mammary gland. They want to do a radiogram to make sure it hasn't metasticized and then remove the cancer with another surgery. I want to do what's best for her, but I also don't want her last days with me to be full of medicines and vet visits and painful recoveries, because I don't really think that's very humane, and it certainly isn't what I'd want in her place. Yet I'm torn, because I don't want to give up on her too soon.

Amanda finished the painting. Interesting timing.


Sunday, June 05, 2005

New Development: Jogging

So, I am now back in shape enough to jog for 10 minutes at a time. Don't laugh; when I started out, I wasn't even strong enough to lift my heft from the earth's gravitational force for half a block. Ten minutes of jogging is a small victory in the war against fatty fatness.

I like being able to jog in the city. It's flat, at least where I run. I also enjoy the little concrete blocks that make up the sidewalk. They allow me to gauge my stride and speed. This is especially important as I get back into the habit, as my inclination is to go too fast, tire quickly, and strand myself three miles from home. Don't laugh; it has happened.

I have also learned that I jog more now that I have an ipod with lots of good music on it. I always used not having good music as an excuse. I never knew it was actually a valid excuse, and that once I didn't have it I would actually work out more.

My goal is to jog until I am in the best shape of my life and then go through marine combat training so I can kill an opponent in hand to hand combat. You never know when that might come in handy.

Have a great Sunday!

Thursday, June 02, 2005

So... it's summer, huh?

So, it's summer. I feel human and functional. I have no job, no internship and no classes. I've started studying, a little bit anyway. It's sunny and hot, and I've already burned my back.

Yep, summer.

Sophie, my hedgehog, has another tumor. I'll try to have her on tumor-controlling medication soon. We'll try to enjoy our time together, no matter how long that is.

Mom and bro are turning big numbers in a week: 50 and 21 respectively. I'm going to Vegas with them for a couple of days. For my 21st we went to Indianapolis.

Finally, I would like to say that my mealworm-growing experiment is working. The beetle container is squirming with teensy tiny baby mealworms. They're really terribly disgusting. I hope they grow into non-microscopic size soon. They're more tolerable when they're big enough to feed to my hedgehogs, if only because of how much the hedgies love to slurp them up. Oh yeah.

I hope summer is good for you, too.


Thursday, May 26, 2005

Today he turned into a cookie, and I cut him into little pieces that floated off into space. Then his face appeared on bubbles that rose into the sky and popped in the sunshine. I'm not afraid of him any more. I took my power back.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Beyond Therapy:

I realized today that everything in my life has become some aspect of therapy. Everything turns into a discussion about something that ends up in me talking about everything that makes me feel hurt and disillusioned. Every action turns into a reaction of either rage or sadness, both leading to tears. Every blog is about the same thing over and over and over again.

So, today, I'll write about Rigatoni Casserole.

To make rigatoni casserole, you start with a pound of rigatoni noodles. Generally, one can find these noodles at a grocery store, although you may find them other places such as under your car or hiding in the bushes, you never can tell. Most come in cardboard boxes. The trick to preparing the rigatoni noodles properly is to boil them in water AFTER removing them from the cardboard box. While boiling them while they remain inside the cardboard box can help speed the recycling process of the box, it slows the casserole process, as the noodles must subsequently be carefully cleansed of all cardboard pulp, which may take several hours. Once the noodles are cooked to al dente firmness (fling them against the wall: if they splatter they are too done, if they scream, the wall was a person), drain the water and set the noodles aside.

While the noodles were boiling, you should have been browning italian sausage. Not the sausage links, just the ground sausage, about 1 pound. You should have known that.

Now, add a layer of noodles, a layer of sausage and mozzarella cheese, repeat until you fill a small casserole dish. Top with cheese, because you can never have enough cheese if you live in Wisconsin. We have a mandatory BCC (blood cheese content) that we have to maintain in order to remain citizens. The spot checks are the things of nightmares.

Put the whole thing in the oven, which you should have preheated to 350 degrees, you idiot, for about 45 minutes. Then eat it, but only after you take it out of the oven, because eating something while it is in the oven exposes you to dangerous temperatures and possibly dangerous natural gas fumes as well.

For a quick version of this same recipe, pour Captain Crunch cereal in a bowl, add Skim Milk and eat with a spoon.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Birth Control and Condoms:

Pharmacists are refusing to fill prescriptions for women's birth control. Physicians are refusing to write prescriptions for birth control. They have moral objections to the use of birth control, because obviously women shouldn't be having sex if their goal isn't to have children. Or, perhaps they have religious objections, and feel that birth control could be used to allow unmarried women to have sex without getting caught. It's being documented across the country. It's really happening. There are organizations of pharmacists and physicians who are deciding to interject their morality or religion into healthcare

No one has said anything about stopping the sale or use of condoms. No one says they are morally against condoms, even though they could allow a man to have sex outside of marriage. No one says selling a man condoms is religiously offensive to him or her. Selling men condoms is not even an issue. Pharmacists sell men condoms all the time. Men are allowed to use condoms, even encouraged to do so. What men do with condoms is no one's business but theirs.

But what women do with birth control is everyone's business.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


Today was very uninteresting. I got the oil changed in my car, and now it drives better. I really notice a difference. I think it's because I really waited way too long to change the oil.

I also discovered that my laptop's harddrive has only 5G of storage left after I added all my long lost MP3's to iTunes from the time of T1 and Napster in the dorms my sophomore year.

A lesson I would like to pass on to you is that you can't run from your mental health issues. You, in particular, cannot run from them. You know you have them, the little quirks and ticks that are part of your daily life and general paradigm. Some people are lucky enough to end up with people in their lives that help them survive and overcome their issues. Some people, a lot of people, don't even share their issues, and figure that's a great way of avoiding them for the rest of their lives. YOU CANNOT RUN. They will manifest in mundane situations, come through during weak moments or crisis, and you will face them then if not now.

Deal with them now and get it over with. It's tough but it's best in the long run.

Monday, May 16, 2005


I went "up north" this weekend to Mike's family's cabin and we caught fish. Yesterday I caught two eating-size northerns that we ate and Mike caught one that we ate, among many, many others. I took a picture of a couple of fish Mike took today, too. I had a woooonderful time.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

My Face:

I don't like my face in the other picture, so here:

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

On A Brighter Note:

Here is a recent picture taken on Saturday May 7th after a semi-formal UWMBDA dance. I hope you enjoy it!

Me and My Handsome Boyfriend Mike
Little Things:

Have you ever noticed how important the little things are? Things like bringing in the mail, taking out the trash, showering, conversing with friends, sleeping, brushing your teeth, answering your phone, all the thoughtless things that you need to do in order to do the big things like have a job, go to school, function in society and stay sane. Day in and day out, again and again, the little things.

I guess it's not surprising that we don't give them the credit they deserve. After all, everybody does them. It's just, well, expected. That's just what you do.

Anyone who has gone through a crisis knows that the little things are sometimes the things we cling to, the activities we work hardest at to keep some order in our lives as our world falls apart. In times like that, a shower goes from being just a part of the little things we do each morning to the accomplishment of the day. You make a goal of answering your phone every time it rings and allow yourself to feel good when you manage to do just that and nothing more.

Today I went through my mail from the last month. I hadn't realized it had been that long. I also paid three bills, two of which will probably be a tad late, but I'm pretty proud of myself regardless. I would still like to clean my room this week. One small step at a time, one small thing after another.

Sometimes even the small things can hurt.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Anger Week:

I think last week was my angry week. I was angry about everything, and pretty angry at a lot of the people around me, even some of the people that I usually really love. Everything that has been happening to me makes world issues seem more personal somehow. They still seem that way now, but last week they just made me very, very angry.

I'm glad I can be angry, though. I am glad I can feel anger at what happened to me, what happened to my friends, and how the society we live in set us up for that. That should make me angry. I'm glad I don't feel like apologizing for being angry about the things I've written about here. There are just some things worth being angry about.

I am glad that I'm not angry all the time, though. It takes a lot of energy, and sometimes I'm just tired. And really, if you think about it, women have been f*cked since Judeo-Christianity began, since the time of the Romans or the Greeks. When we had to cover our breasts because the men couldn't help themselves if they saw our mammary glands, that was a bad moment. When the myth began that women caused the ejection of humanity from paradise, that was a bad moment, too. When men's sexuality was prized and flaunted in architecture and government and women's sexuality was demonized and suppressed and repressed, also a bad thing. These things are way deeper than just the good 'ole Religious Right.

In some ways, I feel like what happened to me has been building up for millennia.

But hey, I don't have migraines! Did I mention I don't have migraines? You know, I bet one of the biggest reasons that migraines are so poorly treated is because women have them. I bet no one took them seriously, because they were just headaches and women should just get over them. But man, you have a limp dick? LET'S FIND A FIX FOR THAT!!!

I mean, I'm not making this up. This is how the world is. Haven't you noticed it yet?

Someone else needs to notice it already. Women have been shat upon for centuries and no one has apologized. I was sexually assaulted and verbally abused. My friends have been sexually assaulted. No one is taking that as seriously as erectile disfunction or the closeness of a man's shave, or the newest way to please your lover a la "Cosmo." Don't you see yet? How many more of us is it going to take?

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Drug Free:

There are so many things in this world that frustrate me and make me upset. I want you to know that I don't go out and find these issues. I don't read the newspaper every day looking for something else to make me angry. These are issues that come to me, that are brought to me by some serendipity. Really, they are.

I believe depression is two things: chemicals/genetics that some people are born with or have a tendency for; and the result of keeping one's self in an unhappy, un-fulfilling, unhealth, etc. situation. It can be both, it can be either. Doctors used to think that only the second one could lead to the first, until they learned that sometimes very young children were depressed, and they couldn't explain that.

I had childhood depression and wasn't properly treated, as well as childhood migraines/chronic headaches. These things are from my family, on both sides. There's really not much I could have done to avoid it. When a 14-year-old has headaches every day for a year, that requires medication. That's just the way it is.

You see, it is not always a matter of thinking one's self well. There are many people who "don't believe" in medication. but there are people, like me, who do not have that luxury, because we cannot live without the medication that others can choose to live without. I find it frustrating when people equate being able to live without taking medication to being strong and moral somehow. Morality has not caused my migraines. Morality has not caused my asthma. Morality has not caused my allergies. Yes, there is a segment of the population that searches for the quick fix. There is also a segment of the population that has been on medication since before the commercials and popular drugs, that will always be on the medication.

And it frustrates me. It makes me feel even more aware that my health issues make me different and set me outside the norm, makes me question if, well, maybe if I tried harder I could get rid of my asthma, or my allergies. And so I blog.

My blog is my journal, so I can let off steam and still feel like maybe, by some freak chance, someone will read it and learn something that will save one person from having to go through one stupid situation that would have caused them one minute of unnecessary pain. Maybe one person won't say "I don't believe in taking pills" in front of the woman who takes 12 at night and 5 in the morning just to live without chronic, inherited pain. Maybe one person won't use the word "slut" to describe what someone was wearing (PLEASE don't do that, it's so destructive on so many levels). Maybe one person will say, wow, I'm worth more than this, I deserve to be treated better, and will walk away before another heart-breaking word is spoken. Just maybe. Or maybe not. But at least it's out there.