This is what my husband does!




At least according to The Onion... It's sort-of how I think of things in a very general way, too. I like to call the device he works on, which is named Pegasus and is a spherical torus device, the Science Machine. I *know* it's not, and even know some of the reasons that it is technically incorrect to say that it "makes science." It just seems so much more approachable when you put it that way, you know?

Mike wrote a more succinct note about it in his blog. I'm just glad it's important enough to write about in The Onion.

In other good news, the doctor said I can take muscle relaxants to help me survive the difficult transition to being able to do Yoga without giving myself terrible migraines. The idea is that, in the long term, Yoga is really, really good for me, even if in the short term it puts me in bed for two days with a migraine that makes me sicker than I've ever been. It still seems sort of against the whole idea of yoga, to have to take muscle relaxants...

~Kristen

These are pictures of our pumpkins this year. Mike's is a happy pumpkin. Mine is a hedgehog!

This is the farm where we picked our pumpkins. It was in the middle of just about nowhere to the West of Middleton. It was such a perfect day for pumpkin picking!

The leaves in Madison are beautiful colors, and the sky has been clear and blue, so walks have been highly enjoyable.

This is my mom on some of the stones crossing a small stream near our house in one of the preserves. She had already fallen into one at this point. Don't tell her I told you that.

My Life's Purpose

So, I realized the other day that I know exactly why I'm here and what I'm supposed to be doing. It doesn't seem to be that big of a deal, really, but I guess a lot of people struggle with it for a lot of their lives. I feel moved to share what I've figured out.

I don't think I'm here to *do* anything specific, like take a bullet for an innocent bystander in the year 2030 or something dramatic like that. I am here on a journey. My journey will be full of lessons taught by the circumstances and people in my life. Some lessons are simple, like treat everyone like a sister (that's the latest from my two hedgehogs) to see beyond anger to the suffering that causes it (from my own painful experiences). My lessons seem to be pointing me towards learning how to be a more compassionate, giving, balanced, understanding and patient person, but I don't know that there is an ultimate goal. It's a process. I try to look for the teachers that come into my life, no matter what size or shape they may take.

My purpose here is to help. That is what is clear. That might mean helping people who are suffering or helping them find justice or helping animals, I'm not sure. It may mean helping the people in my life find happiness. I am sure that I don't need to know more than the next step at any given time, and all I have to do to find the next step is to follow what is life-giving to me. Right now that means hedgehogs, long walks, music, light exercise that doesn't give me migraines, and good, healthy food. It also means looking for jobs that will not only pay money but also make me feel like I am following the right path, the path of helping. It's about doing the right things along the way, not about having a final destination planned.

There are definitely times I feel lost. That's normal. But when the fog lifts, there I am on my path. Maybe I'm a few feet off the trail, but I can find it again. And when I'm on it, I can tell. Things are just good. My migraines are a good indication of when I'm drifting off the path. They're really bad when I'm feeling lost, or going in the wrong direction. They are a sign that is very hard to ignore, for better or worse!

So there you have it. My life's purpose as I see it. Notice I didn't mention God. I don't like talking about God's role in my life. I haven't figured that out yet. I sort-of figure that by the time I figure that out, I will either be meeting or not meeting Him/Her, and won't have to puzzle it out for myself anymore. I follow what is life-giving, and believe what I feel. I know there is something more than myself, but there's so much baggage when we use the word God... Oh, my endless struggle with Christianity. I swear.

~Kristen

Big Business Profits Make Technology Suck
I find that really irritating. Don't you?

The title isn't very concise. I don't like that we have worse and higher priced cell phone, internet, cable and other technology services because we let big corporations dictate how they are to be regulated in order for them to generously provide these really expensive upgrades to our grateful citizens. Bleh. We'd be better off doing it with government contractors, having them build up the infrastructure and then leasing it out to the corporations, even though that would be totally inefficient and painful.

The article was good.
~Kristen

The status on my internal holy war

I read a very interesting article this morning as I was contemplating my most recent emotional frustration with organized Christian religion. It was a very patient discussion of the recent shift in Evangelical viewpoints and particularly their political bent. No, they're not tree-hugging lefties now, but the wild, lock-step Republican scaries have seemingly retired to their corners to nurse their wounded pride after the failure of their perfect, God-sent president.

Like I said, it was patient, and much more forgiving that I just was. I'm not patient or forgiving in general. When all the scary lock-stepping and Republicanism was going on, I was very tempted to move to a different country and pretend to have been born there. Call me young and rash, because I probably am. I do not yet have the years to recognize when the country is going through a phase. To me, it appeared that it might have been the end of the free world as I knew it.

In any case, it was a very interesting article about the internal struggle of the Evangelical church. It almost made me feel sad for them having to re-evaluate their stance and actions over the past 8 years. Almost. It made me more ashamed for them.

What I thought was most interesting was its discussion on the values espoused by the Evangelical church during the previous two elections, specifically anti abortion and gay marriage, why they have historically been so important to the Evangelical church, and why movements to a more balanced view of Christian values is so difficult for some to comprehend. The article suggested that the focus on gay marriage and abortion is largely a working-class issue, and that as the church has become more established, it is now looking to more middle-class issues.

I just don't think that's it. I like to be more generous than that. Even though there are many working-class people who prefer simple, unthinking morals and religion, I would hope that there are some that consider the wider implications of Christianity and morality and social policy. I really, really hesitate to tie social awareness to household income or profession. I think it has more to do with whether people have the internet, if they read papers from large cities, whether they know people who are different from themselves. It's more a small-mindedness versus an open-mindedness to me.

Let's face it: Gay marriage and abortion are an idiot's way to being good, moral Christians. They are knee-jerk issues. Binary. Yes-no. There is no sort-of, no shades of gray. They are like sports where you can choose a side and cheer for it. You can make cheeky slogans and bumper stickers. You can boil it down to over-simplified sermons. It's a very easy way to approach values. Besides, for most white, middle-aged married Evangelicals, it's easy not to be gay-married or have an abortion. Ta da! They're good Christians!

What am I trying to say? Maybe that Evangelicals aren't changing their political and social stance because they're earning more money. Maybe it's because people are realizing that we're not living in the 1950's anymore. There isn't just one role for a man or a woman or a child. The USA can't just invade a country and win. Things are COMPLICATED. There are global implications of driving our cars, using household cleaners, and even eating hamburgers. It's hard to keep track of whether it's more ethical to eat vegetarian or eat organic or eat local. Gasoline is bad, but some say ethanol from corn produces just as much greenhouse gas in its production. You need to watch your budget, but you KNOW that shirt from Walmart was made in a sweatshop somewhere and that the employees at the store in your town aren't getting their breaks or healthcare. You like chicken, but you know what they do to them, and you know that's not ok, but organic meat is so expensive, and your husband doesn't like tofu. So where does Jesus stand on that?

Abortion and gay marriage are way easier. And so is being a Republican.

And how that relates to my internal holy war: I struggle with those issues. Methodist sermons tell you to love one another. UGH. Ok already. I got that lesson a few years back. What about the chickens? And my car? And Walmart? How do I resolve the differences between what I know is ethically right and what is practical? I am frustrated that "my" religion doesn't place as high a value on the issues that I value most, such as animals, the environment, and social justice, in that order. Rules about what to do and not to do, and what is or isn't a sin when it comes to sex or material wealth or worship or reading the bible just doesn't interest me unless there is something about how to resolve the issues that are most important to *me*.

Ah, yes, I search for my own personal, tree-and-squirrel-hugging, fair-trade-coffee-drinking Jesus, but only if he doesn't make me talk to him all the time. I'm not into clingy relationships.

It's a really nice fall. So I took the hedgies out for some pictures. I have to say, they didn't like it. Maybe it's because they're albino. Maybe it's because they're nocturnal. Maybe it's because they're albino and nocturnal. Or maybe our grass smells funny. It's really hard to say. In any case, I did get some nice pictures with Mike's help (he was the hedgie wrangler). For a present to myself, I'm going to custom order tiles by Judy Peters of all my hedgies to use as coasters for the living room. She does great art, and I think it would be an artistic way to incorporate them into the house without plastering the walls with their photos and ribbons and things.

In any case, it's fun to take the hedgehogs outside to see what they will do, for about 5 minutes before they get really scared and then I start feeling bad for them. It might be more fun for them to run around at night in the dark, but I imagine the trolls would get them then. While I have made peace with the fact that their life spans are very short, I have no wish to shorten it even further by troll abduction.