Just as an FYI, I AM feeling better about things. My side-effects are under control, school isn't QUITE so stressful, and all my hedgehogs are alive and well. Sometimes that's all I need.
I just wanted to take a minute to say that I HAVE GOTTEN SO MUCH SMALLER!!! I had to go digging through the basement this morning to find not-sloppy-looking hot-weather cloths to wear to work because my "summer" box is all way too big! I'm easily fitting into stuff I last could wear two years ago. Man, it feels awesome! HOORAY for Weight Watchers!!
And thank you, Nathan, for your call. I was out having a good time. :) I might try to transcribe your message to save it for future hilarity. It was an awesome message, good job!!
Kz
Friday, April 14, 2006
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Today's one of those days where I can't really tell if I'm down because of upsetting things or if things are upsetting because I'm down. Am I just feeling depressed and looking for reasons, or are there things going on that are adding up to me feeling depressed in general?
It's hard when you can't trust yourself. I'm in the midst of a time where I'm feeling particularly distrustful. A week and a half ago I had a five day migraine, apparently because of a change in brand of a generic drug I was taking. All of a sudden I've gone from having all my health issues addressed by proper medication to throwing it all up in the air again. Now I'm having to deal with the uncomfortable and sometimes distressing side-effects all over again, and it makes my life feel like a mess. It's really hard to feel like your life is in control when you can't trust that your body will let you accomplish the things you need to accomplish to survive, like go to work, focus in class, wake up in the morning.
I don't know if school seems stressful because of my medication issues, or if I'm having more issues because school is becoming increasingly stressful. I'm behind in my classes, partially because of the school I missed because of medication issues. I feel like things are moving ahead too fast for me to catch up, especially considering that my health seems so unpredictable.
Good news today was that we'll be able to use laptops to type our exams for the first time this semester. I don't know why I'm not thrilled about it, except that I was counting on everyone having to take written exams. Sometimes no matter if the change is good or bad, it's still terribly difficult to be happy about.
Another bit of good news is that I'm getting to be in pretty good shape. I ran 2 miles tonight in 23 minutes, which is much faster than I've been able to run for a long time. It's frustrating to have to run so far from my house, though. I'm always worried that I'll get 3 miles away and then realize I can't walk another step; that's why I carry my student id and bus pass in my sports bra. And while running faster feels good, it is rather frustrating to plan out new routes and calculate miles jogged. Eventually I'll have time to hack out a new general path that will let me run a short, medium or long run and know how far I've traveled.
It IS good that I'm in such better shape than I've been for a while. I enjoy feeling more muscle-y. My quads are ridiculously and intensely muscular (while still blending in with my pleasantly soft and squishy hamstrings), and I'm very proud to actually have an arm muscle that stands up to the flex-and-squeeze test. That test, of course, is where you flex your muscle for someone else to see, they take a look and then squeeze the muscle to see how big it is, and they're like WOW, that IS a muscle. Well, that's how it works in my head anyway.
The hedgehogs are doing well. Yoda seems to still be doing ok, and even had a bit of a living room adventure while I was jogging. Silly me, assuming he'd stay in one place on the futon while I was out! I found him hiding in a corner, which makes me wonder if Lola was bullying him around. Lola was funny tonight, too; she chewed on and anointed with my hair for the first time in ages. It's very amusing to be laying on the floor and all of a sudden feel a hedgehog burrowing into your scalp. She was kindly gentle with her chewing, and didn't try to dislodge the hair from my scalp.
Since tonight was a generally depressing waste of time, I've decided to end it by going to bed early. Maybe I'll even sleep late. There's nothing I won't do to completely spoil myself when feeling glum!
Cheers,
Kz
It's hard when you can't trust yourself. I'm in the midst of a time where I'm feeling particularly distrustful. A week and a half ago I had a five day migraine, apparently because of a change in brand of a generic drug I was taking. All of a sudden I've gone from having all my health issues addressed by proper medication to throwing it all up in the air again. Now I'm having to deal with the uncomfortable and sometimes distressing side-effects all over again, and it makes my life feel like a mess. It's really hard to feel like your life is in control when you can't trust that your body will let you accomplish the things you need to accomplish to survive, like go to work, focus in class, wake up in the morning.
I don't know if school seems stressful because of my medication issues, or if I'm having more issues because school is becoming increasingly stressful. I'm behind in my classes, partially because of the school I missed because of medication issues. I feel like things are moving ahead too fast for me to catch up, especially considering that my health seems so unpredictable.
Good news today was that we'll be able to use laptops to type our exams for the first time this semester. I don't know why I'm not thrilled about it, except that I was counting on everyone having to take written exams. Sometimes no matter if the change is good or bad, it's still terribly difficult to be happy about.
Another bit of good news is that I'm getting to be in pretty good shape. I ran 2 miles tonight in 23 minutes, which is much faster than I've been able to run for a long time. It's frustrating to have to run so far from my house, though. I'm always worried that I'll get 3 miles away and then realize I can't walk another step; that's why I carry my student id and bus pass in my sports bra. And while running faster feels good, it is rather frustrating to plan out new routes and calculate miles jogged. Eventually I'll have time to hack out a new general path that will let me run a short, medium or long run and know how far I've traveled.
It IS good that I'm in such better shape than I've been for a while. I enjoy feeling more muscle-y. My quads are ridiculously and intensely muscular (while still blending in with my pleasantly soft and squishy hamstrings), and I'm very proud to actually have an arm muscle that stands up to the flex-and-squeeze test. That test, of course, is where you flex your muscle for someone else to see, they take a look and then squeeze the muscle to see how big it is, and they're like WOW, that IS a muscle. Well, that's how it works in my head anyway.
The hedgehogs are doing well. Yoda seems to still be doing ok, and even had a bit of a living room adventure while I was jogging. Silly me, assuming he'd stay in one place on the futon while I was out! I found him hiding in a corner, which makes me wonder if Lola was bullying him around. Lola was funny tonight, too; she chewed on and anointed with my hair for the first time in ages. It's very amusing to be laying on the floor and all of a sudden feel a hedgehog burrowing into your scalp. She was kindly gentle with her chewing, and didn't try to dislodge the hair from my scalp.
Since tonight was a generally depressing waste of time, I've decided to end it by going to bed early. Maybe I'll even sleep late. There's nothing I won't do to completely spoil myself when feeling glum!
Cheers,
Kz
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Well, Yoda's doing much better. He can walk much better, even to the point that he can do his beloved pivots-in-a-circle. He was bright-eyed and energetic this afternoon when I visited him during a break in my classes. I was floored.
I also wanted to put a little post out there about Yelp. It's very interesting, and picks out good places that I enjoy. Thanks to Nathan for pointing this site out in his blog. As always, Nathan, you rock.
Back to studying!
~kz
I also wanted to put a little post out there about Yelp. It's very interesting, and picks out good places that I enjoy. Thanks to Nathan for pointing this site out in his blog. As always, Nathan, you rock.
Back to studying!
~kz
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
I WANT ONE
In other news, things are mostly good, but Yoda has taken a turn for the worse. His mobility is declining. I suspect at some point in the next two weeks I will have to make the difficult decision to have him put to sleep. It's never easy, not even when I could see it coming.
I'm trying to keep myself busy, or at least in touch with others. Feel free to drop me a line to distract me.
kz
In other news, things are mostly good, but Yoda has taken a turn for the worse. His mobility is declining. I suspect at some point in the next two weeks I will have to make the difficult decision to have him put to sleep. It's never easy, not even when I could see it coming.
I'm trying to keep myself busy, or at least in touch with others. Feel free to drop me a line to distract me.
kz
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